This could be a good descriptive of what tease and denial is or might be in a real life couple. This is a small guide that will explain how tease and denial could be played as a game in a couple which is NOT in a sub/dom relationship. I think this guide help a girl to understand why he want to play this game. Anyway trying it doesn’t hurt… you try you like you keep going! You try, you hate you stop!
First – Tease and denial is about having sex without the release of the orgasm for the male. It can involve any sexual practice that you like. Why some male want to play this game? It’s about the sexual power exchange and to leave in an orgasmic state for a while. He is seeking to feel the moment when he is about to cum in a sexual relationship to continue for a long time. Of course, he loves orgasm… but he craves for the denial and this near orgasmic state he could be living in.
Let’s start with what a tease and denial session COULD look like. But what it will be in reality is up to you!
If you want to give him a blowjob… go ahead and do it! He will enjoy it, of course. The only difference between a blowjob in this context and a blowjob in normal sex, it’s just to be attentive to his body and don’t make him cum. it can be easy to accidentally set him off after after a few days.
After his blowjob 10 seconds.2minutes.10minutes,25minutes? It’s up to you he will be VERY horny and eager to please you. You will probably notice his obedience improve the more horny he gets, this is what its about for the male, and the more he pleasures you the hornier he gets the cycle continues getting stronger until you let him cum. once you tease him make sure he pleases you! have fun with it! that is the key make it actually about you
After you had your pleasure, maybe you had enough sex for tonight… but at this moment he is still horny and probably wants more! But you have to remember one thing, tease and denial is his idea and if you make him cum after that, it will just be regular sex… you will not see the benefit of it! Maybe it’s the moment to tell him to wait for later, to embrace this feeling. A little cuddle might be a good idea at this moment (help him to relax, or cuddle naked if you feel like teasing more ).
You might already see a benefit of tease and denial. He has yet to cum and he is not sleepy. He will be very comfortable in your arms and he will be loving you more than ever. The exchange power of this game is very powerful!
Second – The first night passed and he was probably horny and thinking about you a long part of it! Now it’s time to keep on with real life. Tease and denial is not just about sex… maybe you have to go to work and you will not have time to enjoy sex at all today. That’s not the point, tease and denial doesn’t mean teasing him everyday and living in a sex dynamic at all times! But you can be sure of one thing, he will think about you, about what happen yesterday and about what MIGHT happen later. One thing is certain, every sexual allusion, every cuddle, every kiss will make him think about you!
Third – The release. Of course, you should make him cum at some point! You are just beginning with this game, it’s not time to try to beat a world record! Make him cum when you think it’s time for him to cum, when you feel he needs a release. Maybe after a few teasing session or a few days maybe he just cant make love long enough or fast enough anymore because he has to hold back and you want better sex, it will be time for him to have an orgasm. He will enjoy it, and you will enjoy seeing him so receptive to all the pleasure you are giving him!
Fourth – After the first orgasm of this game, it might be time to talk about your experience. What you liked, what you didn’t liked, what you would like to try, how long you think he could wait next time… it’s all about discussion and pleasure. Maybe you could discuss some basic rules like : Always tell when you are about to cum, … maximum days before he can , self control (don’t cheat and cum alone). you will know if he did because you can start to see in male behavior when they are frustrated, they will literally do anything for you and enjoy doing it more and more which is the fun part for both sides
Here are some ideas to try at least once… if you like keep going, if not try something else!
The ruined orgasm – It’s pretty simple. It’s the action to stop all stimulation right after the point of no return (the moment cum will spurt whatever you might do). It will make him cum, but he will not have any pleasure while doing it (if it’s well done). Why do it? Because tease and denial is about exchange of power and some sexual frustration. After a ruined orgasm, he will feel release for a few hours… but his excitation level will grow much more faster than after a full orgasm. He will probably have a love/hate relationship with it. For you, a ruined orgasm will help to feel all the sexual power you have and will show him that you can give him as much/as less pleasure as you want to.
No sexual stimulation – This is very frustrating and pleasurable at the same time for him. There are so many options to tease him without touching his sex… maybe you would never have done any of those options if you weren’t playing tease and denial. But with it, you will feel beautiful, loved and you will be more comfortable with your body because you know how he appreciates it WAY MORE in his horny eyes! Here are a few examples of what you could do: Striptease,masturbate in front of him, dirty talking(telling him everything you would do to him),wear lingerie, if youve been satisfied by him already make him massage you or sit on his lap while you are both naked and watch a movie or show, it doesnt always have to be sexual for you since hes so frustrated almost anything will be sexual for him so make him shower with you and wash your hair and body or shave for you or paint your nails or cut them things like that will be humiliating for him so make it sexual with your words ( say he is on his knees cutting your toenails and you laugh and tell him hes your bitch or make him say thankyou for letting him do these things ) you must find way to tease him without touching his sex!
Let him please you – Usually, when you have sex the end is always his orgasm. With tease and denial, it doesn’t have to be that way. If you want to tease him, go ahead and do it, but it will not end with his orgasm! You could play with his sex because you like it, but learn to enjoy your pleasure! If you want a cunnilingus, just ask he will be pleased to do it! You want him to masturbate you, that’s fine. If you want to have real sex, you have to remember one thing: If he has not cum for a while it might be difficult for him to keep the control during sex… so go slowly and be attentive to his body reaction. If he need a break, give him a break. A good way to enjoy penetration and tease him could be to be on top and don’t move for a while. During that time you could play with your self, it will please you and it will drive him insane! One of the utility of ruined orgasm could be to give him some release before having penetrative sex, this way he will last longer and it will be easier to please you without cumming (or at least cumming too fast)
You are in control – Remember that you are in control of this game, but you are also in a couple so discussion must be a part of this game! If he think that his denial period are too long, listen to him, talk about it and give him your opinion. If you think ruined orgasm are lame and you don’t like it, ask him if he like it and why… if he does maybe this is something you could do to please him from time to time… you could also decide this is not for you and it’s perfectly fine. But remember, tease and denial is his idea and in this game the girl is always in control sexually so he could give you as much suggestion as he want to, but it’s up to you to do it or not! Don’t let him take the control of this game and do whatever he want to, even if you don’t like it. It’s a game about sexual power, use it to have as much fun as you can… and remember, if you are having fun, he will have fun! Of course, he could hate some ideas and refuse to do them, it’s ok and you should also respect that.
Chastity devices – Personally, it’s not my thing, (it would be impossible with my work, and I have no interest in it). But if it’s your thing go ahead and try it. In my opinion, if he want to play this game seriously, he should have enough self control not to make himself cum without your permission… chastity device or not. If you don’t want him to wear a chastity device, you could simply tell him that you will stop playing if you learn that he is pleasuring himself alone…
The wait – Tease and denial don’t have any real rules beside do what fits the most to your lifestyle. If he learn one thing with that game it will be to wait for his pleasure. After a few days without cumming, he will probably want sex everyday and he will want you. Maybe you will be tired and you will not want to have sex somedays or just want him to eat you giving him nothing… he will have to learn to wait and respect your decision. You are having as much orgasm as you want to, he gets none so it’s normal for him to want more and more… this is what this game is all about. You could add a simple rule, if he ask for something and you say no : He is not allowed to ask again the rest of the day! if he does he has to wait another day to cum!
The release – You are a loving couple (I hope) and you both want to please each other. Maybe you enjoy his orgasms as much as he does enjoy his(ok maybe not!). So from time to time make him cum and enjoy his pleasure, don’t do like in some kinky stuff you see all over the web and make him cum while reading a book or humiliate him… enjoy his pleasure and the sexual power you have over him will be even more pleasurable for both of you. The release time is really up to you, at first you should start slowly like he cum every 2 sessions or after each very long session or maybe a few days like 3-4. But the more you play, the more you will see what waiting time is the best for you. There is really no limits beside what you are willing to do! If you think once a week, once every 2weeks or once a month is the best time for you, do that! Also it doesn’t have to be strict… if after 2days you decide you want to see him cum, make him cum! But if after 2weeks you want to test his limits and wait a few more days, it’s also your choice. The only important part is to enjoy this game!
Extra long teasing session – I think from time to time a long tease and denial session is something that you will both enjoy. There is not really a good duration, but you must make sure he is begging for release at the end of it. Making him cum, ruining is orgasm or deny it is really up to you, but at least try once to deny him after a long session to see and feel his reaction. It’s a very powerful feeling for both of you. Bring him to the edge of orgasm several times, give him break while you are masturbating or he is eating you talk dirty to him, tie him… do whatever you want but make sure he can’t take it anymore by the end of it. For me, it’s the best part of this game and you really feel good after (Ok maybe not right after it… but when you regain your senses!)
Extra rules – Adding temporary rules can also be something fun. For example tell him he is not allowed to touch your boobs during that session or he he ruined his chance to cum ( its important to make him think he might cum tonight even if youve already mentally thought he wont because then he will listen better to rules ) and tease him using this to make sure the only thing he can think about is : Fuck I want to touch her! Here’s a list of a few rules you can add from time to time : Must be blindfolded when she is naked, he is not allowed to touch his sex, he must beg for denial everytime he is teased, he must say thankyou for anything you do to him or he does to you, he must always call you a certain name ( miss, mistress, maam, master, boss, queen, princess, owner, princess ) remember to always have a punishment for anytime he brakes a rule; this doesnt have to be sexual it can be more time to wait or no more seeing you naked. discuss his limits but it can also be painful, cruel, unusual or useful. ( holding a mans balls will scare him enough, squeezing pulling slapping or a gentle bite will make him submit FAST when he realizes its not just a threat ) things he doesnt even like change when he is very frustrated you could spit in his mouth or make him kiss your feet the humiliation will turn him on, slap him scratch him and pinch him, most men can take a lot of pain but even more when frustrated! you can also make him clean or do chores for you, massage you or buy you things, as long as you discuss what punishments are ok before ( but i guess with chastity he doesnt have much of a choice )
Reverse the roles – Maybe from time to time you want to reverse the role and try to feel what he is feeling. Maybe a good tease and denial session might be good for you also! This way you could know what it is to be very horny and live in this orgasmic state for a while.
What you have to remember about tease and denial is to do what you want to do and enjoy it. The most important part to remember for a girl beginning with this game is not to feel bad about denying him. This is what he wants, this is what he craves. You are not denying his pleasure, you are only giving him the opportunity to have his orgasm later and to enjoy his sexual arousal for a longer time the longer he waits and the more cruel you are the more he likes it no matter how much he says he is begging. After a while playing this game, you will probably enjoy denying him and seeing his reaction. This is a power exchange and this is what you both want. Remember that you are not really the one denying him the release, if he want to orgasm… he will do it and he will stop playing this game! If he does not cum, it’s because he enjoy it and he wants to play this game… so try to never feel bad about denying him! At first, if you can’t control the fact that denying him makes you feel bad, you can let the chance decide if he will cum or not. For example throw a dice and if it’s 1-2-3 he will be denied,4-5-6 he cum… or if you want to make it harder 1-2-3-4-5denial and 6 orgams… it’s really up to you!
This is the best Beginner Guide I’ve ever seen. Mandatory reading!
A must read honestly. And remember, the possibilities are infinite. Every man/woman is different.
If your partner has any kind of submissive tendency, and if – like me – you’re enthusiastic yet clumsy when it comes to wielding a whip and calling someone a ‘filthy puppy’, at some point you may well have heard the two most terrifying words in the English language:
“Surprise me.”
Surprises are hard enough when it comes to buying presents, but when it comes to sex they can range from disappointing to downright dangerous if you don’t quite get it right. While I’d always advocate ‘having a horny chat’ long before you don your Batman mask and start beating six shades of shit out of your partner, occasionally it just doesn’t work like that. I’ve had gents tell me that it’s just ‘not sexy’ if they tell me how to top, or which exact area of their body they want me to slap and tickle, so they’ve respectfully requested that I make it up as I go along and they’ll let me know if I do anything that’s not hitting the right buttons.
But although that eases any worries that I might do something so awful it turns them off submission forever, it doesn’t ease my other pressing concern: that I am a flailing, insecure, bungling twat. I love the look in a guy’s eyes when I can tease and hurt him in just the way he loves, and being able to conjure it gives me a deliciously warm kick in the cunt. But as I build up to it, most of the things that flash through my mind are either ‘too dominant – he wouldn’t believe it was me doing them’ or ‘not dominant enough – it sounds like I’ve read this one in Cosmo.’
So when a lady emailed me asking ‘have you got any good ideas on how to dominate a man?’ I sent her my ‘Goldilocks’ list – some things that – while not perfect, and certainly not sure-fire hits with anyone, worked pretty well for me at one time or another. This list comes with a few huge caveats:
You should never do any of this stuff without consent (there are some tips in here on how I’d establish it in a sexy way, but if all else fails I recommend sending your partner a link to this and saying ‘tell me which of these made you hard, you filthy little fucktoy’ or something less cringeworthy)
This list is naturally very ‘straight’ – i.e. it’s about me (a cis woman) doing things to cis men, because that’s pretty much all I have experience of in this arena. If you have other tips from other perspectives, please do add them in the comments – given how appalling I am even in areas I’m familiar with, I dread to think what havoc I could cause if I started speculating on things I’ve never tried.
How to dominate with humiliation
In the right context, doing your hair can be deeply sexy. That context is, of course, if you’ve got him naked in a spreader bar, bending over to touch his ankles, and holding hair grips in his mouth with the express instruction not to drop any of them. I get a bit bored of this after a while, but occasionally shouting at him to stay in position can be both amusing and erotic, especially if it makes him hard. Making him take off his pants in public places. I’ve read this trick in countless male dom/female sub erotica – she is ordered to go to the toilet and remove her pants because – inevitably – she’s wearing a skirt and he can have fun touching her up under the table. What isn’t so frequently explained, though, is that you can order a guy to do exactly the same thing, with very similar effect. Bonus points if you can get him to undo his flies under the table while you’re having dinner.There are humiliation games for guys that involve wearing my knickers too. Although an ex of mine and I used to chat frequently about the genderpolitics of sissyfication, and why we were both Guardian-readingly uncomfortable with the idea that guys wearing knickers was seen as a submissive/weak/humiliating thing, for some reason that didn’t stop it being intensely hot. Hot for him, because the feel of the knickers is sensual and filthy, and hot for me because oh holy shit I love the look of an erection in a tight pair of lacy panties.
How to dominate during sex
There is nothing – repeat: nothing – that makes me feel more dominant than ordering a guy to fuck me with a strapon. It’s obviously not as orgasmic as regular sex with his cock, but my God it makes him feel weak and small and horny and desperate, as his own solid erection is squashed against the inside of the harness, and I’m gasping and panting and enjoying something he cannot even feel.
Belts are useful for a number of different things, not always including doubling them over and beating fuck out of someone. One of my favourite dominant fucks happens in the missionary position – generally one in which people assume the gentleman is in control or holding the rythmn. But if he’s wearing a buttplug, and I’ve looped a belt between his legs so I can tug on both ends to make him go faster/harder/deeper? Then he does exactly what I want, exactly when I want it. As an additional bonus, the buttplug made it much easier for him to come, so he had the mental panic of having to try and stave off his ejaculation – the more I tugged the harder he wanted it, and the harder he wanted it, the harder it was to hold it off, so he had to slow down, so I tugged harder, thus creating a vicious circle of angry hot fucking.
Similarly, fucking him on a chair while he’s wearing a buttplug. But you know that already, right?
How to dominate with pain
Floggers are a good place to begin, because they basically don’t hurt that much. I know that sounds like a pathetic place to start, but there’s a good reason: if you leap straight in with a cane, and have no idea how hard to wield it, just one stroke can end up leaving welts that he doesn’t want, reminding him every time he sits down just how little you know what you’re doing. Floggers, even if wielded with a strong right arm and a bit of determination, don’t tend to hurt that hard. As a cunning way to get around the ‘I don’t want to hurt him beyond what he likes’ scenario, and to introduce the kind of sexy chat that makes me very wet, I like to initiate the ‘pain scale’ game:“How hard is this, on a scale of one to ten, where ‘one’ is ‘rubbish’ and ‘ten’ is ‘stop’?” *whack*“Ow. Five.”“Only five? OK, fuck you, here’s three at a seven to make up for it.” *whack* *whack* *whack*“Argh. Fuck. That last one was an eight.”“I know. But you deserved it. Good boy.” (gives three more at an eight) Slapping is also delightfully fun, because it is an excellent excuse to touch all the sexy bits. Face-slapping: amazing, if he’s up for it, because it combines humiliation with a bit of pain, and can be done while I’m sitting on his dick. Requires explicit consent, though, so how do you do this as a surprise? Piece of piss:“If you don’t [insert thing you want him to do: say thank you or beg for forgiveness or whatever] I’m going to hit you here [touch face]. OK?”“OK/Yes ma’am/Fuck no/I’d really rather you didn’t/etc.”Nipple clamps hurt like a motherfucker (at least, the ones I have do) so as a ‘surprise’ they can be a bit hit and miss. If, like me, you’re worried about putting it in just the right place so it neither falls off nor causes him super-intense end-of-nipple pain, they can be nervewracking. But the beauty of being in the driving seat is that if you’re ever unsure about anything, you can make him do it himself. Genius, right?“Put these on. Quickly. I haven’t got all fucking day.”Then make him take the chain in his mouth – because the clamps will give a kick of pain whenever they move, it’s one of the most effective ways of keeping a submissive dude still.Ball squeezing is one of those deeply dangerous areas. If – like me – you don’t have balls of your own, it’s hard to know exactly what to do with them, There’s clearly a big difference between sexy pain that has him moaning ‘oh please ma’am’ and deeply painful pain that has him rolling on the floor and making retching noises. So yeah – start gently, work your way up. The pain scale here is useful, but you might want to avoid going beyond five, unless he’s told you really explicitly otherwise. And, as I can attest from experience, even the gentlest of flicks is probably not a great idea. I had to buy him Wetherspoons nachos for a week to apologise.
How to dominate with denial
This is my easiest go-to domming thing, not because it’s a piece of piss (although it is), but because I cannot get enough of the look on a guy’s face when he’s desperate and pleading to come. At it’s very basic level, denial can involve wanking him off, then stopping, wanking, stopping, etc until the smallest of tears leaks from his eyes and the look he gives you is one of pure and burning need. But you can do way more than that. A guy I knew used to love a slightly painful denial wank. Me going hard and sloppy at his dick for a while, all spit-lubed and hot, until he’d grunt to show me he was just. So. Close. At which point I’d stop, wipe my hand on my jeans, then continue touching him but with slow, circular strokes around the sensitive skin of his head. After ten or eleven circles it’d start getting dry. After twenty or so he’d whimper a bit. After twenty five he’d beg me to stop. When I stopped he’d beg me for more.The beauty of denial is that it can be done even when you’re not in the room. As a general rule I’m not a fan of sexting, because fuck it – if we’re going to have sex then I’d rather have it then just tell you in great detail exactly how we’re going to have it and have you text me back misspelled porn which I have to read and reply to on the bus. But in a few situations it’s useful: i.e. the situation in which I text him saying “I’m on my way to yours and I’ll be with you in twenty minutes. Wank yourself to near-completion then drink two litres of water.” Then I can arrive at his flat knowing he’s horny, and also has a full bladder, meaning I can alternate some hot denial wanking with a bit of humiliation (You can piss with an erection, you’re just not trying hard enough. Try harder. I’m waiting). For bonus points/additional fun, send this text long before you’re actually on your way, then send another an hour later saying “Sorry, tube delays!”If the piss thing isn’t your bag, you can always just alternate hardness and softness to build to a jizzsplosion later in the evening. Send a similar text, but insist on him having a hard on when you arrive. As you walk in the door, tell him to lose his erection. As soon as he’s soft again, make him hard. Rinse, repeat once or twice an hour for the rest of the evening until he cries a little bit and leaks precum all over the carpet.When he’s super-hard and has been denied, tell him he can come but only if he does it in a particular way. i.e. ‘you can come now, but you can’t use your hands’ or ‘you can come now, but only through your jeans.’ Bonus evil points if, even then, you insist on stopping him just before he does and say ‘only joking, dickhead’ then make him make you a sandwich. Sandwich-making is, in my opinion, the cornerstone of dominance…
Carnavalesque 