Tag: kink

isn’t sexual attraction just predatory and greedy?? like when you’re attracted to someone’s body doesnt that mean you’re just objectifying them? and when you want to fuck someone doesnt that just mean you want to dominate them/make them do stuff to you?? therefore discarding who they are and wanting to take control of them? like they’re objects or something?? i don’t understand i dont think ill ever understand please/?? help

aroacepositivityplace:

Hi, anon. This is a lot to unpack, but I’ll try my best to give a nuanced explanation. It’s honestly okay not to understand sex, but some of the ideas you have here do have the potential to be harmful. Sex positivity is both supporting those who don’t want to have sex and supporting those who do because both groups are shamed for their choices.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with sexual attraction. For those who experience it, it’s completely natural.

Sexual attraction is not inherently predatory. If two people both want to have sex with one another, nobody is being taken advantage of. Sex isn’t tricking or trapping people into pleasuring you. It’s consensual activity that all parties agree upon and are enthusiastic about.

Some people deal with their libido solely by masturbation. Some people have sex. There is nothing greedy or selfish about having sex. It’s just a decision that people can make to feel good or bond. It’s just another way for people to meet their needs.

The issue isn’t with sexual attraction so much as objectification. Someone can look at another person and finding them to be extremely sexually desirable and still respect their boundaries and treat them kindly without expecting anything in return. Someone asking another person if they’d like to have sex with them isn’t automatically objectifying them. You can see someone as a whole person and still want to have sex with them. If someone were to look at another person and only see them as objects for their own sexual gratification (such as when people get upset when someone won’t have sex with them) that’s where there’s an enormous issue of entitlement to someone else’s body.

Wanting to have sex with someone doesn’t automatically set up a power dynamic. Sometimes it just comes down to which person prefers to be penetrated/do the penetrating because they like the sensation, if penetration is involved at all. A lot of sex doesn’t involve any sort of topping/bottoming or dominating/submitting (which is addressed more in the next paragraph). Sometimes sex is just people taking turns giving one another orgasms through various types of stimulation. If one person in a relationship doesn’t like to reciprocate oral sex or something similar, that can be an issue, but it also might be something that their partner is fine with. One person only wanting to receive/give a sex act isn’t inherently bad or selfish.

The idea of domination in sex is a whole different ball game. That’s where kink comes into play.

Kink is not inherently objectifying either. It’s just different ways that some people like to achieve sexual gratification. Kink also goes beyond spanking and bondage. It can involve praise, roleplay, and other things that aren’t BDSM. It’s not the 50 shades of gray narrative (which actually is abusive and an awful example of both kink and relationships in general) that most people think encompasses all of kink. Again, if all parties involved are giving enthusiastic consent and understand what is being done, nobody is being taken advantage of.

Sex involving “make them do stuff” isn’t sex, it’s rape. If all parties
involved aren’t consenting to everything happening without coercion, it’s rape.

If someone feels like they’re being objectified or controlled through sex, then that is an unhealthy relationship. Unhealthy sexual relationships exist and are often glorified by society and media, but that doesn’t mean that sex is inherently unhealthy. It is very possible for someone to have sexual encounters and relationships that don’t make them feel demeaned or manipulated, but actually make them feel empowered as a person.

I hope that this provided some insight. It’s 100% okay if you want to talk more.

Note: I do not participate in kink and am not sexually active. I strive to be a sex and kink
positive feminist and I’m open to anything I said here being corrected
or added onto.

   

dirtythingsthatturnmeonposts:

lady-reia:

softandsquishygfd:

friendly reminder: 

you are no less of a sub if you aren’t into pegging, chastity, prolonged denial, pain or masochism (even the gentle kind). You can be submissive by nature and still not wish to be degraded, humiliated, or tortured. It’s okay to be submissive in the way you choose to be submissive. 

And you are no less of a Domme if you have a massive praise kink, or just want to spoil a sub, and pamper them. You can still be dominant by nature and not want to hurt your sub, degrade them, use corporal punishment or call them names. You can still be dominant and want to worship your sub with soft kisses, gentle touches and whispered praise in the dark. It’s okay to be dominant how you choose to be dominant.

Express your kink how you want to express your kink. I promise, there is someone out there who enjoys it the same way you do. 

At its core, D/s is a power exchange dynamic. And you are allowed to give or take control however you please (with consent) and please please please don’t let the glamorized and idolized Tumblr-centric view of D/s dynamics taint or color the way you value your dominance or submission because you don’t fit in the stereotypical boxes that are represented on this platform. 

EDIT: I am not intending to kink shame ANYONE, but I’ve noticed the Tumblr community focuses a large amount on the degrading aspects of BDSM, and that’s not everyone’s kink, for various reasons. And I wanted to write something supportive for those more into the lighter side of things. I promise, I don’t give a flying flip how you express your kink. that’s kind of my entire point. 

Wonderfully said, @softandsquishygfd! Many times a guy approaches me and starts apologizing right off the bat for not being into that kind of BDSM. You like what you like and NO ONE can say otherwise.

Well said indeed, @softandsquishygfd. Speaking for me and my babyboy; team gentle is in the house. ❤️

diary–of–a–domme:

lewd-goddess:

So it’s come to my attention that GFD receives alot of negativity.

I’ve recently seen people say that gentle femdom or femdom in general is stupid or weak because ‘Showing a woman that part of you makes her lose all respect for you’.

No. Shut the fuck up. That’s not what its about. When someone submits to me in that way I respect them more for being able to be comfortable with that part of them. I am so happy and I think its the cutest thing ever. Yes that may just be because I am a domme but that doesn’t change the fact that being sensitive or submissive doesn’t make you less of a person or male. Love who you are guys. Don’t pay attention to the shitlords out here!!!!

SAY IT AGAIN FOR THE PEOPLE IN BACK! GFD DOES NOT EQUAL WEAKNESS.

kinkyprettythingsandme:

cute-femdom:

Yknow, I just want my sub to know how cute he is. I wish he could see himself from my eyes. He’d never doubt it again. Seriously! He’s like the cutest thing I’ve ever layed eyes on. His fucking moans when I take him in my mouth and his nervous laugh when I check him out.

I like pulling his hips into mine and kissing him. He just melts whenever I take initiative. If I slap him it’s like his eyes just start begging for more.

If I tug his lip with my thumb he will just open it for me.

It’s such a satisfying and scary feeling having someone trust you so much. I want to hold and protect him forever.

Yes, this.